inauspicio.us

“I will not subject these people to dry, boring, vomitless Shakespeare.”
-The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged

If you were me, and let’s just say for the sake of argument here that you are, then you used to have a snow-cone machine when you were growing up. It was a Snoopy brand snow cone machine, insofar as such things can really belong to a brand and still conform to the societo-cultural mores of the era from which they originate, and it cost ten cents at a garage sale in New Jersey in 1986. Family legend maintains that you were ripped off.

Fast-forward to 2005, when those fun-loving Disney people decide to put out a sequel to their unexpectedly successful, unapologetically suggestive take on the smoothie-maker. Think you’ve seen it before? You have [content warning]. The smoothie maker is guaranteed to gross you out and scare your small children: “OK, put the food into Mickey’s head! Wow, look what’s happening to it! Now let’s have a refreshing smoothie.”

Well, next to your countertop Mickey Mouse PeesASmoothie, you can now have your very own Mickey Mouse Snowcone Puker. Maybe you won’t be that hungry once the snowcone is done, anyhow. And if you are, you can test the strength of your stomach against Disney’s other new kitchen appliance, a hot-air popcorn popper that appears to be a realtime model of the human digestive system. Whee!